A guide for managing vulnerability hangovers

Moving through feeling like you've overshared and you're being judged.

Welcome to Timeless Clarity, I am an emotional wellness guide. I offer support for open hearted creative people to move past their emotional blocks and reclaim their power with subconscious reprogramming. Find out more here claire-farrell.com

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Come with me as I unpack the reality of Vulnerability Hangovers

Most of us, at some point, will have felt the wave of anxiety and embarrassment that sometimes comes over you the morning after a night out. Overthinking the fragmented things you remember saying or doing that you wouldn’t usually do sober.

A Vulnerability Hangover is like that except it can come after you have shared parts of your inner world — often completely sober — That were real, honest and relatable.
I’ve felt this type of hangover many times, and it was particularly strong after my recent post about romantic breakups: Heartbreak: Spicy transformation soup.

Tracing it back to the root

In my family — when I was a youngster — the best ammo you could give a relative was letting them find out you had a crush. It was something a certain side of my family would relish. A humiliation ritual that might have been standard practice in Scotland? You’d find yourself the centre of attention at the next family gathering. With them saying your crush’s name in weird voices and asking all sorts of odd questions. A torturous and overstimulating experience.

So, when my previous post mentioned that I’ve been in love — multiple times — It was edgy for me. A few times I thought about taking it down and then I would re-read it and think, It’s fine. I shared that with care, honesty and humour. It feels meaningful to me, to take what I learn from my inner world and share it — It supports other people to feel less alone in their own process.

While solidly knowing that to be true,
the fight/flight/freeze response of the fore-mentioned childhood humiliation sometimes still hums quietly in my nervous system.

If you have an unconscious fear of being seen, putting yourself out there can quickly tumble into a vulnerability hangover, with seemingly no logical explanation.

That’s the thing: it’s one thing to do what you know you want to do — and another thing entirely for the nervous system to catch up with the fact that we do this now. This is the edge between what your inner self knows and what feels safe to actually admit to the outer world that you know.

How this plays out in our lives

Similarly, in the creative process, you can make something exquisite — a piece of work that you know has changed you as a person — and it might be the truest form of expression that your inner world can muster. When it comes time to submit it to a gallery, sell it, perform it or share it in a way which allows other people to interpret it

— that can feel destabilising to your precious inner world if it’s not ready to be seen. Resulting in a vulnerability hangover!

Managing the feelings of exposure

We’ve all heard that we can’t wait to be perfect before we share our truth, right?

So I offer you these questions:
What is the worst that can really happen?
What if you get a bad review?
What if you get negative comments online?
What if some relatives point and laugh at you because you dared — in a way that they never could — to explore the limits of your own body and mind?

— Shame on us for wanting the full human experience then, I guess?!

Trusting your inner knowing

The truth within you still exists wether other people get it or not. The question is: do they have the authority to correct your inner world to fit their vision? Are you really open to feedback on how you can better fit into their version of reality — After all you’ve been through already to free yourself on your own inner journey?

It’s the paradoxical trap of belonging that many unhealthy families rely on. We often get trained unconsciously very early that belonging in general comes at the cost of your true self.

Sorry to break it to you like this, my emotionally hungover friend — but it absolutely doesn’t.

Setting yourself free

If you grew up navigating that type of environment, working with radical self-acceptance and discernment will drastically enhance your self-trust. Hone in on whose energy is enmeshed with your desire to express yourself authentically. You can do this by thinking of something you really want to do and the first people who come to mind who make you feel weird about it - get exploring that.

This is usually done most effectively in a supportive environment such as working with me 1:1. Where you can be held through the process of detaching from the figures in your life who — at some point — opposed your fullness. This keeps the intention focused and judgment-free, letting you explore and begin to reclaim your story without your mind automatically spiralling into the old patterns of self-doubt.

Journaling is also a brilliant way to process this — just be aware that it shows you what is going on inside you but can often go round in circles if it’s not accompanied with a somatic body-focused technique as well. This could be taking breaks to dance or work out, scream into pillows or shaking and moving your body to release stuck emotions.

All this to say, it’s not embarrassing to be YOU. When you realise that you are lovable in all your facets, these vulnerability hangovers become less and less.

Mini EFT Tapping sequence for Vulnerability Hangovers:

EFT (emotional freedom techniques) is my number one favourite way to move through emotional blocks. It is a blend of acupressure and subconscious reprogramming. You can see here the different points in action: EFT Tapping example. When you know the points you can apply these affirmations below.

Side of the hand:
Even though I have allowed myself to be seen
and it was not always allowed before
I accept the discomfort that it’s bringing me
(repeat three times)

And even though I feel all of this discomfort
I am choosing to love and accept myself anyway

Corner of eyebrows:
This discomfort I feel

Beside eye:
It’s almost unbearable

Under eye:
But I trust my body to process this

Under nose:
This fear is very old

Under mouth:
And maybe I don’t need it anymore

Collar bones point:
I am choosing to love and accept myself anyway

Under arm point:
Maybe it could be safe for me to relax now

Top of head:
I’m doing my absolute best and I’m proud of myself

Side of the hand again:
Even though it’s so new to me
Letting myself be seen
I know it’s what I want
And I am choosing to love and accept myself anyway
(repeat three times)

Take a deep breath and let me know in the comments how this article felt for you! If it brought up more than you expected don’t hesitate to reach out directly for support.

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What do I do?

I’m an Emotional Transformation Guide working with subconscious reprogramming. It’s my life’s work to help others connect to the essence of who they are at their core. My goal is to support people in creating lives filled with emotional fulfilment, purpose, and joy.

If this resonates with you, you can find out more about my work and reach out through my website: claire-farrell.com

It’s my honour to hold space as we explore the beliefs and barriers holding you back—making room for your most authentic self to thrive.

1:1 Sessions - You can click here to book a call and find out more about what working with me looks like and what to expect.

You can also find helpful Tapping videos and fun updates on my TikTok and YouTube

Lots of love,
Claire